Henry Ford and the Traditional American Creation Myth In the beginning there was Henry Ford. And lo, he was lonely. Thus he spake, "With these two hands let me create the world, a land spacious and wide." And he created Earth. For one billion years Earth stood, quaking and belching, a hot little firecracker of a planet. And for one billion years Henry Ford smiled, happy with his creation. But lo, he was again lonely. Thus he spake, "With these two hands let me create a system, a line of assembly, to populate my creation." And he created the assembly line. He hired Enochian angels from each corner of the heavens to come and run his system. Thus he spake, "Let the worker be taken care of. Let him afford to buy the life which he helps create. Let the work day be no longer than 8 hours. Let the work week be no longer than 5 days." And he created the weekend. Thus he spake, "Let each worker specialize in an aspect of production. Angel Dimt, go forth and create rivers and streams, and fresh water to drink. Angel Eutpa, go forth and create trees and grasses, flora and good fruits to eat. Angel Otroi, go forth and create many beasts, birds and bugs to roam the land. Angel Brap, go forth and create iron and gold and ores of great strength. Angel Eboza, go forth and create the automobile, a device of great mobility and speed. Go and be paid well for your time." He looked down at what his angels had created. He was not yet content. Thus he spake, "There is but one piece missing. I, master of creation, must add the final touch. I will create a being in my image, upwardly mobile with divine ambitions. He will be strong in both body and spirit, and conquer that which has been created. Imbued in him will be the spirit of manifest destiny. He will be good." And he created Americans. The Americans were happy in their new world. They prospered, expanding their cities and industries, and created the television set. And Henry Ford was happy. But an American called Webb was not. He worked in a factory creating television sets. He saw the injustices of the modern workplace. He saw unfair labor practices. He saw red. Likewise, in heaven, all were not happy. Clara Ford, mistress of Henry Ford, had grown lonely. Henry Ford had fallen in love with his Americans, forgetting her. And, being a foul woman with no loyalty and probably dark hair, she sent a messenger to Earth to exact revenge upon her husband. Leaving the factory one evening, Webb saw a blackbird with one leg hopping across the parking lot towards him. "Lo, American Webb, thou art called upon from heaven. Go forth and organize your coworkers, and call this organization your 'union.' Organized, you will have the strength to defend your rights as a worker. Make haste, American Webb!" And that night Webb wrote many a pamphlet, and after a brief journey to the lair of the papersmith Kinko, returned to the factory to spread the word. "My fellow workers, I now wield a divine weapon from heaven - organization! Let us go forth and defend our rights as workers!" Henry Ford looked down and saw the American Webb organizing the labor that once ran with such divine profit margins, halting his well-oiled machine. Raging, he hurled great bolts of lightning at Webb, striking him dead to the ground. The workers, witnessing the death of their martyr, strengthened in resolve. "Not even the divine wrath of Henry Ford will deter us! The working class must be heard." And they created the labor unions, as various in size and nature as the angels in the heavens. Henry Ford frowned. Thus he spake, "Let them create their organization. But for their impudence I shall lay a curse upon their creation - the labor union shall be mostly beneficial, but it will also be easily corruptible. Let it rely on the nature of the American's greed and laziness. And it will be good." END Back