Celebrity Scandal!     Yes that's right! A celebrity was caught - on camera no less - active in the later stages of a scandalous - yes, you read right, scandalous! - activity. It was impure in nature, and was of or relating to scandal. Another, far-less scandalous celebrity speaks out:     I am outright stunned that a scandal could take place in the pert Hollywood enviro we live in. I knew Jackie as a friend and a co-host - I even married her third husband, for Christ's sake! Then something like this just slips under your door, professionally folded with a tasteful letterhead. Frankly, I'm ashamed. Not for myself, not for Jackie, but for her sweet little daughter, who will be forced to grow up in a world of flashbulbs, muesli and shame. Underline "shame." And bold it, too. Yes I do think I pull that kind of weight, I'm the world's top Latina comedienne! That used to mean something around here! ¡Dios!     Will this scandal blow over, forgotten by the public, like Brad Pitt's 1998 Pygmy debutant ball, or the Great Cher Scare of 1992? Or will it be a permanent mark of shame, branded onto the skulls of all involved, not only affecting those in the immediate generations but being passed down through the genetic lineage, so centuries from now their descendants will feel an unexplainable sense of guilt? Will folk songs and tall tales be spun about this event, cursing its victims with the black cloud of immortality? Will an entire new genre of modern mythology be created simply to house the volumes needed to wax poetic on this event, giving birth to a new race of philosophers specifically bred to deal with the moral implications involved? At the very end of time will God look through his thick book, recalling the great deeds and misfortunes of the human race, only to find this example of grave moral travesty at the top of the list, oozing the slime of depravity and unholiness all down the list, marking our brief stay in time as a failure?     Unfortunately, as a writer for entertainmentweekly.com I'm not qualified to answer the above questions. On a personal level, however, I feel cheated by the celebrity elite I've come to love and trust. I feel as if my mother sat me down in a very serious manner and told me she's actually a professional impersonator of my true mother, hired to fill my life with love and muffins, but the funding has run out, so she's leaving town. I'd ask where my true mother is, and after a brief, pregnant pause, she'd bolt for the door. I'd try to follow her, only to find her legs have sprouted three pair of wings, and she's gliding across the front lawn with an ease unmatched by us purely earth-bound creatures. She'd cackle as she soared towards the sun, leaving me broken and alone, with only my regrets and stale muffins to give my life meaning. END Back